
25 Mar Just an Ordinary Day
I got a job offer today. A remarkable one. I had applied for a job. A job I was entirely unqualified for. A job in automotive engineering. No, I don’t own a car. I don’t even like cars. I don’t even have a driving licence. But I have just been hired as the director of a world-famous automotive company! I just applied. I was hired on the spot! It didn’t take a second! The interview had barely begun, and the interviewer only said: “You’re hired!” and suddenly he was showered with confetti, an 80s song started playing, and he went offline. Then I sent an e-mail. I tried to find out if there was a mistake. “Am I the right person for this?” They said: “We’ll give you a car!” I said: “You don’t mind that I don’t have a driving licence?” “No!”
As soon as I joined the meeting on my first day of online work, everyone stood up and gave me a round of enthusiastic applause, with whistles and cheers applauded me. There were graphs, tables. I didn’t understand any of it, but I gave my opinion anyway: “It should be a soft accelerator pedal, purple and furry!” I suggested tentatively. Everyone, 12 people in the meeting, stood up and the applause began again. Some of them climbed up onto the tables. One of them even started crying.
The next day, 100 purple furry soft accelerators were promptly ordered. The week’s oddities were not limited to this. But life was growing stranger. My home office overlooked the garden and had large windows. And a huge tree. I was facing the garden. I liked this garden very much and sometimes I heard birds singing. My online meeting started. I saw someone in the tree. I couldn’t believe my eyes. A man was shaking his feet. Yes, there was a man in the tree and he was shaking his feet. I wondered who he was. Suddenly he turned to me and smiled brightly, like in a toothpaste advert. It was him! My ex was looking at me. And there he was. He was in the tree and he was smiling at me. It was strange. I was on the first floor. He was swinging down from the branch of the tree, obviously seeing it as a playground. Was it real? When I asked to be excused from the meeting for a second, told them I should leave for a second from the meeting, they brushed the tears from their eyes and told me that even this brief separation was too much to bear: their souls were enlightened by my inspiration, but even my absence was a gift.
I approached the window. My ex was sitting on a tree branch, swinging his legs. My ex-lover was indeed standing on the branch. Was this a dream I was living? Should I go down? I ran out of the house and went out to the garden through the iron gates. When he saw me, he slid down from the tree. As he slid down, the branch caught his jean shorts. “What’s up?” He was always charming. You couldn’t hate him. He’s an idiot. I said, “Was that you in the tree?” “Yeah, it was me,” he said, smiling and lighting a cigarette. Purple smoke billowed out of the cigarette and mingled with the sky. He said, “These new cigarettes are very strange. Chewing gum flavoured. Very good. I like the soup flavour better.” I felt sick but I didn’t say anything. “What were you doing there?” He stopped, softened his voice and leaned to my ear. I caught a whiff of chewing gum. He spoke in a whisper: “I was hanging something on the tree.” The tree spoke up immediately in a smooth and sultry voice: “It has nothing to do with me, Viola. It really doesn’t.” My ex approached me with enthusiasm: “You’re gonna love what you’re about to see.” I was both afraid and curious about what I was going to see. “Turn your head to the left.” I couldn’t believe what I saw. The Christmas present I had bought for him was hanging from the tree. A small, decorative disco ball. But now it was swinging around like a huge disco ball, as if it had grown ten times bigger, and it was almost crashing into my balcony from the branch of the tree. “You’re going to remove it!” I said angrily. “We’ve split up. You live downstairs and I live upstairs. Why did you hang the present I bought you on a tree when it has grown to 10 times its original size? I’ve already forgotten you!” “No,” he said. “I won’t take it down. I want you to see it every time you go out on the balcony!” I want you to remember this present and us.” I said: ‘If you really want to, hang it on your floor.’ ‘You’ll always remember. He said, ‘No. I want to hang it there, it looks better.‘’
The tree suddenly moved one of its branches and hurled the giant disco ball into the air, and it faded out of sight. “Where did you throw it?!” said my ex. “I sent it to the house of a seven-year-old boy whose birthday is today,” the tree said silkily. “He’ll appreciate it more. Now if you don’t mind, I have a facial and a nap scheduled.” And the tree promptly fell asleep. My ex and I looked at each other, then: “You know what,” I said to my ex, “everything is so strange these days.” He said: “I agree. Look behind you, they’re calling you back to the meeting!” I looked upstairs at the window. The CEO of the company was looking down at me: “The green cars have gone completely wrong. Can you look, it’s all a software problem.” I sighed. The tree lifted me up with a branch and took me back to my office window. Everyone from the office was suddenly in my house. They were arguing in my room. I immediately suggested a solution: “Let’s make wider mirrors,” I said. “We’ll hang a disco ball inside the car. That’ll solve the problem.” The room fell silent in awe, and then everybody began to applaud.