‘What?’

‘Until six o’clock! Will you be able to pay? You have to deliver it to me!

I was dumbfounded.

I said, ‘I don’t know if I can pay.’ ‘That’s a lot of jokes.’

He scratched his head. He thought.

‘I don’t care. They want it.’

I said, ‘Oh, my God.’ I went through my pockets.

‘Do you have any jokes?

He said, ‘Of course I do.’

‘Then give it to me, or I’ll be arrested for being too serious.’

He said, ‘Let them arrest me! ‘’It’ll be fine. It’s not a place to be afraid. They take you to the joke centre.’

I smiled. I liked the idea of a joke centre. He was the madman of our apartment block.

‘Do they tickle you there?’ I asked.

He said, ‘No. They beat you. ‘I’ve been there a couple of times. A couple of them beat the shit out of me.’

There was silence. I was so sad. He hugged me. I hugged him back.

‘Bring eight jokes by 6pm. I think you can do that!’

Then he turned towards me, and with a serious face did a few backwards dancing steps, then suddenly turned round and left.

How could I make a joke? It was a horrible day. It was true that I owed but not a joke. Just money. My ex-roommate had dragged me down with his endless gambling debts. Every time he said ‘My life is in danger, they will kill me, this time is the last time, I will pay you back.’ We learnt from his instagram photos that he fled to the Maldives with the money he took from me and others. Then he sent me a bottle of champagne. Son of a bitch! What else happened this week? The ATM swallowed my bank card. The podcaster I listen to every week, who ran a podcast called ‘How to live long’, died after he filmed the last episode on the benefits of apples.

The host of my favourite podcast, “How to live long”, died this week after filming his last episode on the benefits of apples.

We were so convinced that apples would make us immortal. Adam and Eve or Snow White, it’s written everywhere that this is going to end badly!

That’s when I thought of the seals. Were they lying on their sides or flat? On their chins like this? It stuck in my mind. Look at the seals basking in the sun, and look at me! When I was 24, I had a date like that. He would lie around all day, just like the seals. But he was an intellectual and charismatic seal. In those years, it was so important to me that my partner was intellectual that I ignored other things, like the fact that he looked like a seal and slept all day. And that wasn’t the only thing I ignored. He would see me once, then not see me for a month, then come back after a month like a boomerang. I thought this was one of the new relationship models invented by intellectuals and artists. The guy had 17 lovers and he found them all by lazing down all day like this. Years later, on a holiday I went on, I was going to ask the seal lying on the seashore how many lovers he had now, but the security guard wouldn’t let me. I was banned from going to that shore.

In the evening, on my way home from work, I saw my neighbour again. He was very excited. He clasped his hands:

‘They came today. From the joke centre.

I smiled even though I was tired.

‘’What are they saying?‘’

He came closer and whispered in my ear.

‘’I asked for extra time for you. I knew you wouldn’t be able to complete the eight big jokes today.‘’

He chuckled.

‘’How much time do I have?‘’

“15 days.” He paused. ‘’I realise that’s a lot of time. I figured you can do at least 30 jokes in that time.‘’

‘I’ve got one right now.’

He got excited. ‘About what?’

‘The guy who looks like a seal.’

“That’s funny. I’m laughing already. Now that’s 14 left.”