The City is not a hell. The fact that it’s not a hell makes it a hell. I know it sounds complicated, but let me explain. If a place is a complete hell, you run away. You get on a bus, a plane, or a car, and you leave. But what happens when a city gives you hope and then takes it away? When you give up hope and think this place is hell, a cat rubs against your legs OR a cat snuggles against your hand, someone buys you a coffee, and you think, “Maybe it’s not so bad here.” And at that moment, the trap closes.

When I came here, I said, “I’ll stay one year.” Then it became two, then three. This year, I am celebrating my fourth year here. Those who have been here for years laugh at me from their old armchairs and say, “You’ll never leave here. It’s been 20 years for us!”

My first encounter with The City was mesmerizing. I spent 15 months in beautiful spring weather, sunny days, and wearing denim shorts. The weather was so good that you would never think this was a bad place. It was great for someone who came from a cold place like me. Of course, that was before a terrible snowstorm started. It wasn’t a romantic snow. Walking outside was like swimming in tar with all the darkness, snow, cold, and wind.

Then I got the purple blister disease. You may not have heard of it, so I’ll explain. The symptoms are extreme nationalism, unexpected right-wing outbursts, and wanting immigrants to be put on a plane and sent away immediately: it doesn’t matter where! I don’t know where I got this disease from, but it’s happening in The City. I was spouting right-wing rhetoric everywhere. It was unbelievable! It took a week for it to go away. Fortunately, I locked myself at home during this time and nobody heard my extreme ideas. I shouted them alone in my room. Only my local grocer knew. I told him to keep it a secret. But he still shouts when he sees me on the street: “We’ll drive them to Alaska, won’t we?”

After a while, a wave of boredom came. That was the hardest. I wasn’t used to being so bored. Rocks were rolling down the slopes of The City like the Sysiphos, and you couldn’t catch any of them. Everything became routine, the sky turned grey. Everyone got ties and briefcases. I couldn’t believe it. When I arrived, it was flip-flops and floral Hawaiian shirts and a summer that lasted 15 months. What had happened?

I got so bored that I became lovers with someone I didn’t love, someone who was in love with me. I was so surprised to find someone who understood me! For a moment, I thought we were the same person. The food we ate, the books we read, and the films we read [She liked all the things I liked: we had the same favourite food, books, and films]. I was shocked when I saw my favourite book on her shelf and when she cooked my grandmother’s secret recipe! Was she my soulmate? Then I discovered that this person was in love with me [was obsessed with me] and had been watching me for 15 months. This way, she learned how to impress me; everything was a strategy. She was forbidden from leaving the city / Because of her professional obligations, she couldn’t leave the city, so she was trying to build a cage for me too. It would be easy to get past her. I just had to get out of the City. But I didn’t have to. It should have been easy to get past her. All I had to do was get out of the city. And yet somehow every morning I woke up here.

I found out later I’d taken up with a gangster. A woman gangster! She knew what she was doing. I thought it would be hard to break up with her. She was a gangster. I didn’t know how to break up with a gangster. What would I say to her? How would I say it? “It’s not you, it’s me”? But she left me suddenly. She made a short speech and said, ‘’You and I are different. Our worlds are different.’’ I said: ‘’I thought we were the same person!’’ She smiled when she wore her red lipstick and said: ‘’No. I have a different world…’’ I was planning to leave her because she was dangerous, then I suddenly decided she was charming. I begged her: ‘’Please don’t go, The City is boring!’’ She closed the door to my nose and returned to her adrenaline-fuelled world.

What happened in the end? The City took me over. The City won. After a while, it was tempting to go into the same house and live in the same neighbourhood. I felt warm inside as I entered the house. I prepared my coffee in the evenings, sitting in front of my TV. I stopped reading books. Now, I just watched TV. I saw my old gangster girlfriend on the news one night / on a popular talk show one night. So, she was a famous gangster now! I’ve always been in favour of women’s leadership.

I know the question on your mind. Am I out of The City or not? Have I finally left? Did I finally leave?

No. I’m still here. I’m still here. I’ve given up trying. I’ve got a wooden chair. I’ve bought myself a comfortable armchair. I’m talking to passers-by, newcomers. I share encouraging words with them. “You’ll never get out of here! It’s been 17 years for me!”